Fiction
Excerpts
Spoiler-free passages from upcoming novel, The Final Voyage of Charles Le Corre.
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As per the parlance of the day, the sealer – or any mariner, really – came in one of two varieties: Brines or Clods. The Brines were the native seamen, usually marrying themselves to the trade with unquestioned, life-long fidelity, like a tree to dirt. The Clods, on the other hand, were the uprooted, those who shirked society in search of a liberation that three years of being ship-bound somehow provided. The term Clod also doubled as an insult, a reference to one’s greenness in all things seafaring. But, it must be said, after a sufficient apprenticeship of two or so years – in which time a Clod could absorb the skills, jargon and conduct of his mates – differentiating between a Brine and a Clod became nearly impossible.
For the Brines, their paths to becoming seamen were as undeviating as the anchor’s to sea bottom. Most were, like Charles, continuations of their forebears, inheritors of whatever was left of their fathers’ spirit and possessions. Even words, as though a finite resource, would seemingly deplete with each generation, so that each Brine was quieter, blanker and deader in all facets than his father.
The Brines of Nancy were a semi-conscious, illiterate group, whose bent for hard labour was in itself a means of muzzling thought. They were ignorant of all matters life on land but buoyed by the convenient belief that there was so little worth knowing. Thus on the confines of the ship they were placid creatures, comforted by the certainty that conversation would rarely drift into the uncharted. But when Nancy berthed this calmness was ruffled as though by a squall. In seaside establishments some Brines clammed up, thrusting pipes between their lips to ensure not a word spilled out; while others adopted an air of superiority over their land-dwelling hosts, going to great lengths to exhibit both a disinterest and disapproval in all things terrestrial. Of course, liquor could lower these defences, but just as often it unleashed a torrent of complaints, most of which asserted an unvarying thesis: things aren’t what they used to be.
Excluding Charles there were eleven Brines in all, each of whom maintained their position from Nancy’s previous owner—what they call a ‘Barnacle’ in the fisheries. These men would speak of their whaling days as the preacher spoke of Eden, regularly reminding the uninvolved that they now lived in a fallen age—despite the fact that under Charles’ leadership the voyages were far safer and more lucrative than ever.
They were the oldest on the boat and their minds were generally sealed shut against the fresh ideas of newcomers. Maybe more so than any other Frenchman, the Brine was deaf to all domestic affairs. In most cases the bloody wedding, reign, and death of Marie Antoinette had all transpired without their notice. Suffice to say, it is from the Brine that the mute, pipe-puffing caricature of the seaman was born.
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Then, most famously, there was Aime, for whom the ceilings and corridors below deck were too low and narrow, and the people too many, resigning him to eat, sleep and seek his solitude in the open sea air on deck. It was he who introduced the tradition of tattooing the names of past lovers onto his body, a list which on Aime coiled its way around both legs and enveloped most of his torso, like a boa constricting its prey. And yet, even with these markings, it was widely accepted that Aime was the most handsome man who ever lived.
He was immense in stature and as strong as an archway. His skin had been so thoroughly sunbaked that even in winter’s depths it never lost its brownness or warmth, while the inky hair of his youth had been lightened by years of salt and sun. On him all clothes looked borrowed from a boy, so that when summer found him spartanly dressed in nothing but fraying breeches he was let alone on account of the confusion he caused in his fellow salts.
His days of hunting women had long passed as by then his legend was so strong that they would travel for days to intercept him at Nancy’s regular ports. On land Aime was businesslike in his tallying of lovers, recording their names on paper before they undressed and rarely taking any fewer than seven at a time. These women, upon meeting Aime and having to reconcile the man with the myth, were never disappointed, for no description could’ve prepared their imaginations for such potent beauty. Both his physique and character had been rendered so elemental by decades of sun, salt, sea, rain and wind, that the women likened the experience of fucking him to being lifted heavenward in a hurricane.
And yet, what was most striking about Aime was that he had such little bravado about him. His melancholic eyes, usually fixed on the horizon, seemed out of place in the candlelit rooms of his orgies. Given his prowess as a harpoonsman, and the power of his legend in coastal towns, comparisons to Poseidon were naturally drawn. But a shrewder mind might’ve likened him to the Minotaur, for not only was there something frightening in his beauty, something beastly in his appetite, but a part of him seemed to long for that final, fatal encounter with love. Moreover, in the case of Aime, love was the labyrinth to which he was condemned from birth: for it was said that his inventory of names was merely a means to cover the invisible scars left by the mother whom he could not have—or at least, so the story went.
Charles, like most people, had heard of Aime long before seeing him. During a homeport landing rumours began to circulate in the seaside taverns where the women were growing scarce. The distress this caused was only surpassed by the curiosity surrounding tales of a gargantuan man who could be found squatting in an old quarantine station on the headland, and who, allegedly, took women in nines. Civil unrest grew when females of every rung started disappearing into the night to visit him, only to return days later, bereft of desire or the capacity to walk without a hobble.
After two weeks, a mixed mob of cuckolded and curious locals stormed his camp with intention to cause harm—or, at the very least, dismember. But upon seeing Aime they adjusted their demands, issuing an eviction notice with a tentative grace period of one month. Simple though he may have been, Aime knew when he was not wanted in a place and so set about leaving the city that very night.
Charles was among the mob - belonging to the curious half - and couldn’t help but notice what everyone else was too awestruck to see. For one, Aime was living in total squalor, with nothing but a few precarious threads on his back and the bones of some poor farm animal scattered beside him. (Soon it’d be shepherds after him too.) Beyond his startling appearance, it was also plain in his eyes that the fugitive life was wearisome business. Of course, when Charles offered Aime bed and board on Nancy, it wasn’t complete charity. He knew just by looking at him that Aime could probably skewer a Blimp at a league’s distance. In any case, Aime accepted the position in the hope that sealing could relieve whatever vice he was fighting. -
More famous, however, was Flinders’ chance meeting with Le Geographe, upon whose decks roamed the wistful Captain Nicolas Baudin. Their encounter – at what would later be dubbed Encounter Bay – served as another testament to the mariner’s ability to transcend national feuds, even when sailing under the King’s shilling or the Consul’s franc. (Neither Flinders nor Baudin could’ve been aware of the Amiens Treaty signed a month prior to their meeting.)
Any misgivings one had for the other were played out as a mere formality, and could not be affected for long given the mutual languor that had descended upon both captains after a year at sea—a fatigue which had seen buttons on jackets and holes in pant legs go unmended for months. Without reservation Baudin and Flinders shared details of their respective discoveries, doing so over the type of rum whose occasion for opening at sea generally never arrived, but which, on this day, assisted in the lubrication of both sensitive findings and easy seafarer’s gossip.
Chief among Baudin’s scientific endeavours was his plan to bring Australian plants and animals back to France, where they’d be condemned to shivery afterlives on Napoleon’s Parisian estate, Château Malmaison. To achieve this Baudin relegated Le Georgaphe’s high-ranking officers to common quarters so as to accommodate the seventy-two native animals he had rounded up like disobliging cattle. Almost every creature took to the high seas with great distress, despite Baudin’s eagerness to give each the ultimate French reception, furnishing them not only with the cosiest accommodations but with French names and diets generally reserved for members of civilised society.
Many refused their meals, either in protest of their captivity or because the choppy seas robbed them of their appetites. But Baudin was unyielding, going as far as to hand-feed rissoles into the beaks, mouths and muzzles of the sick, often at the cost of the crew’s diminishing stores. On finer days, when the sea was calm and the deck warm from sun, Baudin would lead a wombat or wallaby on a rope, allowing it to ruminate among familiar vegetation on deck.
Of the seventy-two animals taken from Australia only sixteen survived the journey to France. Most were destined ignoble burials: thrown overboard, left to perplex fish. Baudin himself would meet a similar end, dying kinless and confused on Mauritius. The cause of death, while undiagnosed, was believed to be the same that claimed some of his passengers—that which saw Eugene, the tiger snake, ingest its own tail and the floating primroses dive to their collective death. However, Baudin’s demise did not take the form of self-ingestion or a voluntary plank-walk, but rather an unwillingness to eat, drink or fight in any way against the degeneration of his body, so much so that in he refused to be transported to a more comfortable location than his foreshore hammock, where he contently decomposed in his final weeks among the living.
Three months later, when Flinders arrived in Mauritius, he visited Baudin’s grave—a plot of earth marked only by an assortment of flowers begging to be replaced. It moved him deeply.
However, paying his respects to a peer was not the reason he had docked in Port Louis. On his way home to Britain, Flinders’ vessel had encountered seething seas on the Indian, resulting in severe damage to the hull. Out of desperation he pulled into Port Louis for repairs. It was dumb, rotten luck for Flinders and crew that hostilities between Britain and France had resumed in the meantime and that he and his men were thus detained by French authorities for six years.
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By the time Cook landed on mainland Australia, Tasmania’s bounties were some of the worst-kept secrets on the sea. For decades small-fry fishermen – lured by the songs of the humpback – had been ploughing its waters with great rewards. But ultimately it was the blaring honks of the seal that compelled these men off their boats and onto her wild shores.
In the early days, fleets of sealers would row ashore at dawn and return to the mother ship by the end of the day, bearing a haul of dead seals to be skinned and rendered on deck. But with years of refinement this process came to resemble in efficiency the mills of mechanised Europe. For entire summers gangs were left ashore to harvest seals by means of club or pike. There, pelt shelters were erected to preserve the skins, while try-pots were installed to boil blubber on site.
As it happened, these sealing settlements brought about the earliest contact between Europeans and the Aborigines of Tasmania, the Palawa. To the latter, how lost the shivering sealer must have seemed, how inexplicable his mission. It stood to reason that he came from a world where seal pelts were more vital to life—how cold his distant lands must have been! Either that or the unindustrialised Palawa saw the white man’s need to build pelt shelters and set up try-pots as a forewarning to his inclination for excess. Either way, a cautious distance was kept.
As for the sealers, the smoke that rose from the bush and carried scents of roasting kangaroo and shellfish were easy to resist at first. For weeks, fear confined them to the beaches and to their meagre diet of hardtack and rainwater. But gradually a kind of mania would set in. Day by day their spirit eroded, as card games, conversation and the drudgery of work did little to alleviate the boredom that came with land sealing. It wasn’t curiosity or even adventure that finally led them into the bush—but the overwhelming tedium that came from watching pelts dry.
Upon first meeting, both sides were naturally tentative. After all, these early encounters were not only the Palawa’s first sightings of white skin, but ships, firearms, mirrors, trousers and so on. For that reason the Palawa showed disproportionate curiosity towards the sealers, while the sealers chiefly focused on how they could benefit from the meeting—namely through food, sex and labour. Soon this imbalance afforded the Palawa a new thesis: there is nothing more dangerous than a bored white man.
It wasn’t until much later that the misadventures of sealing gangs made their way into the gazettes of European England, fuelling a budding literary genre of the coloniser in his fight against nature—and the very people who embodied that concept. The tales generally tell of a hungry sealer who heads inland to befriend a native, hoping to trade his tools for food. Depending on the author, these encounters then went one of two ways. One, a sealer is bemused by the natives’ traditions, charmed by their simple way of life and in awe of their skills as hunters. Alternatively, the white man’s trade proposals would result in sealer-Palawa violence, where the former would invariably prevail in all-out war.
Whether these tales had any fidelity to the truth mattered little to their audience, for no reader was willing to go to the trouble of verifying them. They served either to cast doubt on or justify the Crown’s claim to these faraway shores and the people who inhabited them. In reality, the nature of the sealer-native dynamic had evolved year on year, becoming more complex each season. Of course, sealers were less swashbuckling than the stories represented and the natives far less uniform in their responses to white settlement.
In Charles’ day, decades prior to the gazettes, land sealing was so established across Tasmania that, upon landing, a gang was often greeted with a dance from a Palawa tribe. A group of native men would then enlist themselves as envoys to the sealers, with the primary object of finding women from rival bands who could assist in sealing operations - chiefly skinning and preparing hides – as well as offering the sealers companionship during their stay.
Whether the arrival of the sealers and their want of women incited fresh rivalries between bands or aggravated old ones was never clear. But whatever Palawa life was like before land sealing, it couldn’t be recovered. Tribes would often retaliate against the sealers with rescue attempts which, in the long run, offered only ephemeral glory in an inexorable process of replacement at the hands of Europeans.
Soon the women became a commodity in the economy of the islands, valued for their knowledge of the environment as well as their amenability as lovers and labourers. In the summer months they assisted by not only skinning and preserving pelts but also hunting mutton birds, shellfish, gulls and their eggs. Often, gangs would ferry the Palawa women to neighbouring islands where they, like the sealers themselves, were abandoned for months at a time to hunt and process seals on their own.
If the women resisted these duties the consequences were, naturally, more brutal than the reality of their servitude. Sometimes they were beaten, sometimes shackled to a tree and deprived of food. Those who didn’t submit to their new reality were made examples of—either killed or abandoned to an island of their own. The latter punishment explains how the women Milou saw from Nancy reached their island.
In many cases the relationship between a sealer and a Palawa woman resembled the sealer families of Europe, so much so that sealers and their partners adopted the titles of husband and wife. Much like their European marriages, this was a union of estrangement where the man would spend but a few summer months with his wife, followed by a year or more of separation. Of course, it was rarely up to a gang sealer if he came back at all.
In her servitude, the sealer wife was not only tasked with various sealing operations but was also charged with reconstructing, as best as the elements permitted, a European home on sand. Of course, this was a concept she would have to be taught. But before long many sealer wives were cooking and cleaning, as well as learning to await or dread their husband’s return in his absence.
Another responsibility of hers was raising children, both those born from conjugal and non-conjugal relations. From their fathers, children might have picked up phrases in Dutch, French, English and so on. But generally the sealers didn’t interfere as Palawa mothers passed down their language, customs and their knowledge of the environment to their children.
One such tradition was crafting shell necklaces. Like sealing, this was performed in the summer when the tides were low and the choice shells were most accessible. After gleaning the shallows for pieces – often, as in the case of the maireener, no larger than a rice grain – the shells were rinsed and left in open air, much to the delight of the bugs that cleansed them of any remaining debris. After sorting through the shells, the best ones were perforated with sharp animal bone and then threaded with the sinews of a kangaroo tail or plant fibres dried, softened and twisted for the purpose. Once the shells were arranged in a pleasing order the necklace was worn by the maker or given to a loved one on a worthy occasion. The most special necklaces acquired the status of heirlooms and were passed down the generations.
Every summer these mixed-race communities proliferated, and within a few decades, as gangs came and went, as Brits established their claim, the white man and mixed-blood Palawa would outnumber those of full Palawa ancestry, until eventually replacing them altogether.
Opening pages from a story entitled Calico.
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1
A DROVER’S WIFE
SHE lived in a bark hut on the shores of an ocean of dirt. From her front door she looked out on a featureless expanse which like the sea was conducive to a hankering heart. She longed for her husband’s return, but dreaded it all the same, dreaded having to tell him about the roof, the cows, the mantelpiece, their two sons—all in fine working order when he left, all now defunct. Out back lay a tract of indecisive bush, sporadic trees and hardy shrub, which after two days of eastward bashing brought one to the nearest town, so that she was fixed between two wildernesses, like a nit on the hairline of a balding man.
She and her husband settled there over a decade prior, inspired by the notion of writing their story afresh—a story that would start with a bark hut and anonymity and end with a stone homestead and a surname known at both extremes of their solitude. But despite years of loyal tenure she still felt nearer to the beginning of that story than its end. The house was in termitic ruin and the task of spreading their name was destined to fall to a solitary daughter who in her first nine years hadn’t encountered anything besides that which she could spy from the hut.
When it came to names, among other things, the girl was a total ignoramus. Credit where due, she knew her own, despite being given every chance to forget it: her father was long absent, brothers long dead, and her mother only called her Child. But she did not know the family name that her father toiled so hard to circulate, while her mother was Mother and did little to elaborate on that paltry fact.
So it went for a child in those days, in those parts: you knew what you were told. Even she, raised in total seclusion, conformed to the land’s prevailing custom of never asking, even kin, about their lives before settling those alien shores. So that, as far as both she and the colonial office were concerned, her parents had no history before the bark hut.
As for the drover’s wife, if she had been a child at some point she was doing a mighty job of hiding it from her daughter. She nightly put out the candles without either a story or so much as a tender warning against bed bugs. Even so she never strayed from her duty of cleaning, brushing, feeding, washing, or shielding her daughter from every danger her pessimistic mind could conjure.
It is likely her confidence as a mother died with her snakebitten boys. Likely that the countless days spent fighting whatever nature so casually ruined had robbed her of her warmth. Likely that when her daughter asked after her father’s return, and she replied, Pray, not anytime soon, she was seized by shame at the thought of his seeing the ruination of all things, herself included. And likely that she had grown comfortable in that shame, that privation, that strange freedom from needing to be happy, presentable or a young wife at the start of a story with nothing but hope ahead of her.
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It’s hard to fathom the turmoil a knock at the door brought a drover’s wife, hard to fathom the woe of turning the knocker away. But when a big, blue-eyed drifter came by offering a few days’ work in exchange for food and shelter she told him, as she always did with drifters, that they didn’t need the help, that her husband and two sons would be back shortly.
But to her surprise it didn’t scare him off as intended. The drifter simply replied that it was no trouble waiting and without further invitation collapsed into a chair like something returned home, sighing out days of dust and dirt in so doing.
Opening section from a story entitled The Sheeners.
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For maybe the twelfth consecutive day I sit in the streetward seats of La Comédie permitting the world to spin hurriedly on without my contribution or care. I come to these parts of the world - where one’s dollar stretches further than at home - for this exact purpose: stretching time.
Every day the prime object of my attention, chief extractor of my ink, has been the curious activities of the shoe-sheeners. Their industry is a small one, and their service of accordingly little popularity. And yet without cease these men prowl the shady esplanades like wasting, weary jungle cats, eyes fixed floorward, only to be lifted by the sight of scuttling, shuffling leather.
Only then do they behold a man – for it is a service, it seems, rendered and received solely by that sex – and in doing so set upon him a look of humble duty, seasoned so judiciously with sadness, that anyone in possession of two feet is struck with a sharp regret for not having worn their dress shoes that day. Nevertheless, pity rarely translates to the exchange of pay and polish in this trade, as in this town locals and travellers alike are wise to adopt a blindness towards the goods and services so relentlessly hawked at every corner—lest they be made penniless before reaching the end of their street. And yet, while the sheeners occupy the same subterranes of the inalterably poor as the beggars, it is not clear – even to them, I venture – what portion of their fee is the fruit of service and that of charity. And it’s partly this ambiguity that makes them such curious subjects.
My intrigue was first stolen by two sheeners entangled in what seemed a territorial dispute at the prized sight of this very café. It was my first day in the city and I was immediately struck by the notion that there was more than one man of this profession. My surprise was then justified after taking a quick inventory of the feet in my environs, alarmingly few of which were rigged out in that precious material of black, buffable leather. The feud soon fizzled, but as time crept on my interest was intensified as two more sheeners, at intervals, passed through the scene, weaving through the tables and taking stock of the same feet I had moments prior—dispirited by the unchanged results.
Over the next few weeks of acquainting myself with the city I deduced that the trade was confined to a few city blocks, the epicentre of which being the point I pen these observations. And of the dozen or so sheeners I have spied, it seems only one is a fixture of the shaded strip stretching before La Comédie—the instigator of the row. So I can only comment on his dealings with any credibility.
Across two weeks in this café - roughly twenty hours - I witnessed just six customers submit to the kiss of his brush. Coins, not notes, were the mode of pay, which meant that his fee (unfixed and determined wholly by the mood of the customer) would rarely exceed ten dirhams. Across a day this can’t have equated to much more than a fleeting repeal against the protests of his stomach. My opinions on whether this sum is sufficient or even just don’t mean much—to him, you or me. All I’ll say is what needn’t be said: it isn’t much.
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The sheener is always in possession of two key articles. The first is the small, wooden box which serves simultaneously as the ‘toolkit’ - where rags, brushes, polish and other paraphernalia are stored - and as a platform (the handle of the case) on which the customer’s foot is perched when succumbing to the brush. The sheener also carries a tiny seat - manufactured by the same people who make clown bicycles, I suspect - which allows him to get as close to the ground as possible without suffering the indignity of sitting on it.
The sheener’s attire is so lacking in variation from one to the next that I wonder whether there isn’t some community forum, or at least a handbook, where matters of dress-code are discussed, or rather, declared closed for discussion. But I doubt it. For while the sheeners are a breed of their own they are sole traders (if you will) in every sense.
The uniform is a royal blue chore coat which on every practitioner is now a baronial shade of its former self. Even on sweltering days (most days, for me) the sheener wears pants. This leaves his shoes and hat as the last resort for self-expression—usually sandals and a cap which, like his jacket, has been rendered chalky from decades of sun.Which brings me to the final precondition of the sheener. Every sheener is old. And yet, despite a lifetime of having (almost certainly) consumed less than the prescribed three meals a day, these men are exceedingly fit for their age. I attribute this to the kind of hunger which is vital to the prowl, the constant foraging, stalking and readiness to pounce.
I never had these skills, those of the hunter. While some spend their lives racing against the clock, others busy themselves with activities aimed at slowing it down. I’m the second kind. I don’t know if one is better than the other, or if we even have a choice in which one we are. Nor do I think it makes much difference.
From what I can discern there are no boy-sheeners rising through the ranks; no sheener understudies, nor sons to inherit their father’s box and brush. (For some reason I can’t even imagine these men going home to wives or children. Like the truck-driver or jungle cat, they seem too damn solitary.) My point being this: on the day that a sheener stops showing up to work there might be a scramble for his territory but I suspect the number of sheeners in the city will simply reduce by one.
This may mean that this is the last generation of sheeners. And from a long view, maybe this is a good thing. (I have been told that in some of the less-developed, neighbouring countries - or even in a few cities in this one - the sheener is still a viable path. Not because there are more leather shoes there, but because all paths are more viable in places where opportunities are fewer.) Here and now, most children are at school, fashioning for themselves dreams previously unavailable to the sheener.
But that’s not the only reason the trade is on the wane. I’d add that even the development of cheaper, more versatile materials - canvas, cotton, nylon, polyester, even faux leather! - isn’t the whole story either. The problem, I think, is more abstract: the trade itself belongs to a lost world. Some youngsters see it as a quaint relic, others a demeaning profession.
But all can agree that the sheener is a vestige of another time, a time that isn’t their own, a time many would like to forget (even if they can’t remember it).
But in the case of the sheener, being an anachronism is a part of the gig. (I think the customers know this too, that having one’s shoe polished is the cheapest available form of time travel.) Amidst the hum and buzz of the centre-ville, it seems their style has been preserved and has pickled its way into the present. It takes the form of a slow, careful solemnity—a solemnity which seems to acknowledge a human hierarchy most feign an inability to see. (Is there any readier illustration of this than a man cleaning another man’s shoe?) And yet, there seems a willingness on the sheener’s part - a pride even? - to exist within the structures of this social order.
This pride, this quiet dignity, resides not in his dress nor even the sheener’s demeanour, but in the ceremony with which he sheens a shoe. I don’t know if they’re aware of it, the impression they give of belonging to the past. Nor is it clear whether they belong to it for commercial reasons or like the bug does its sap.
*
These tired ol’ themes - solitude, the past dying quiet and slow - have loyally pursued me, or me them, for my whole career.
My first book, Fading Glory, is a historical fiction/romance which chronicles the rise and fall of Jim Glory, an Australian drover-turned-Kanoot hunter. A Kanoot is a made-up, flightless bird whose industrialised slaughter came as result of the booming hat and quill trades in Europe. The combination of Jim’s thirst for wealth and the Kanoot’s indifference to death means that the former becomes a man of great means, and the latter extinct. Of course, the fate of the Kanoot, Jim’s fortune and thus Jim himself all eventually converge at the point of oblivion. Even the hats and quills prove a fading fashion by the end of the book.
I liked that book but no one wanted to publish it. And so my next book, Nothing Toulouse, was written solely to sell. It weaves a similar thread to Fading Glory. It details the decline of an underground abortionist in 1970s Toulouse, who, upon the legalisation of his trade, resorts to robbing pharmacies, bookstores and, finally, an antiques dealer who puts him out of his misery with a Napoleanic bayonet.
Though it is custom to use the present tense when discussing an artwork, in this case it feels unwarranted. There are no surviving copies of Nothing Toulouse and it exists only in memory—in my and my dead mother’s respective heads. Equally sensical is the passage: Despite being wiped out some 4,000 years ago, you can find the woolly mammoth roaming the Eurasian steppes, grazing on nutrient-dense shrubs and grasses.
Anyway, the book was pure pulp, and sold as many copies as my books that weren’t written to sell (zilch). And I’m certain, had it ever been published, it would have eventually been pulped too...
To pulp is a verb used by second-hand booksellers to describe the fate of the donated books that are left on their shopfronts in giant Ikea bags. Most of them aren’t any good, so are taken to factories where they’re to be pulped en masse. (The paper made from the pulp is probably recycled and used to print more pulp—quite harmonious in a way). As a young, ambitious writer who claimed to care deeply about the sanctity of a book - the dog-eared pages, the smell of the paper, the satisfaction of seeing platoons of them ranked and filed on a shelf - I found this quite depressing. But the longer I went unpublished - remained invisible - the more comfort I found in the fact that even published books died undignified deaths. At least mine passed peacefully in desk drawers and never experienced the violence of inexorably fading. But now, neither ambitious nor bitter, I don’t know what I feel about it. (Actually, yes I do. I feel nothing about it. Diddly. And that’s very different to not knowing.)